Thursday, 11 August 2016

Christ University: I survived 3 years of degree amidst personal bias from a faculty

I was going the article 'What Caused The Second Coming of Christ College?' which carried snippets from various blog articles and some unpleasant experiences of students in the institution. Most of the incidents happened during the time when I was in the college. For us, it was another rumour or something we discussed ourself saying Did it happen?

In the past, I had come various other news articles and blog posts in the past. I never made any negative remark or comments before because I didn't want to equate my good amount memory, I had in the 3 years of my BA JPEng ( 2years extra clear back paper) in the college with those bad and unpleasant incidents.

I had to face my own personal bias in college. I really hadn't spoken about it anyone or in any forum. I never shared it with anyone. I was busy with my own internal conflicts trying to figure out things. I wonder how I can translate what I have experienced in my 3 years of surviving in the campus, I really don't know.

I didn't share many commonalities with the average teen and take everything easily. I always asked the question after each semester that Can I survive the next semester? What about discontinuing the course? What about doing something different? I even went to the extent thought of killing myself due to internal mental conflicts.

You might wonder what made me take such drastic steps. It's due to personal prejudice carried by a Psychology faculty from 1st Semester, She made my life hell. She found ways to make me run around, cut down my marks, She refused to sign Practical record and she possibly did everything to make my life hell in college. I was to find out when she wasn't there for 3rd year. She knew the college very well. She has been in this place. She knew it more than me.

I never understand the reason for her prejudice, she showed against me. I never did! I often wondered during my free time thinking numerous possible reason; Do I look her Ex? Do I resemble like someone she dislike? I never got the answer for any of those. I never did. When she got married and she moved out of college, I was happy. I was relieved. It broke my confidence. It left scares deep inside me. I wasn't the same enthusiastic guy who joined the campus.

Psychology department was the department, I hated. If it wasn't her. It was someone else. I never found any pleasant face who took the effort to understand me. Well! There were some who I found somehow nice to me.

It had occurred to me to rat out my room-mates or pg-mates, Even If I had mustered the courage to snitch, where would I have taken my grievances? HOD? Management? I somehow felt helpless thinking no-one will help at all.

I was told by a well-wisher that never give up. I did just that. Or at least I tried. I dragged myself to survive three years and 2 years due to bad evaluation. Somehow magic worked and I got my ticket to kickstart new journey.

I haven't till now done anything big in life. I don't know whether I will ever. What I am doing and have been doing is what I have learned all those years in college to do, Survive. Just survive in life!

Monday, 1 August 2016

Yes, I was Bullied!

Growing up was easy at all, My fondness for books, debates and political incidents over usual trendy stuff, meant I was relentlessly made fun off in high school (9th and 10th standard), consistently insulted and taunted throughout higher secondary school (11th and 12th) and ridiculed at College. I sort of had friends, but they were the one who supported me at times. They were the ones who were nice to me.

I recently watched a video 'I was Bullied' by Arya from Simply Sexy Stupid, which made the remember certain incidents from the past.

When it comes to bullying, it is made at a victim who is helpless and introverted, who over the years becomes more and more ostracised and insecure, who will often tumble into a pit of depression or social anxiety.

This may be true in some cases, but in my own experience, it's not quite true.  The bullying I experienced has been my driving force. It's weird to say bullying can have a positive impact, but it's all about how different people deal with it. It can be a really positive thing.

I am not ashamed of being bullied. It's not my dirty little secret; it's one of the many things that helped shape the person I am today. Of course, the same can't be said for everyone; I'm lucky that I was able to process the bullying rather than internalise the pain and let it affect me in later life.

For anyone being bullied who might be reading this, I understand that this is easier said that done; that attitude shift isn't going to happen overnight. You need experiences and support to deal with it. I can say is that it will most likely get better one day. Don't be afraid to ask for help, If you think you need one.

More than a decade after those unpleasant experiences, I am living with a decent job and friends with lots of talented people who aren't that cool either.

Let me just say this bullying someone is a weak choice. The only reason they come after you is because they think you won’t do anything about it. Does that make anyone strong? No, Not at all.

I can conclude that I am okay. I am not just surviving. I am enjoying my life. They are not the same person anymore, and neither am I.