Friday, 24 October 2014

Being an Introvert in an Extrovert World

It's easy for anyone to say that, “Why did it take you so long to realize you are an Introvert?” It’s not that simple. The problem is that labelling someone as an Introvert is a very shallow assessment, full of common misconceptions. It’s more complex than that.

During Degree college days, I struggled with the fact that I had no social life; noone to go out or party. I always thought that there is something wrong with me. I always enjoyed stayed at home watching movie in my lappie till late night, while my friends were out partying. Those were days I hated those introverted character traits. I was not willing to accept myself, I wanted to ignore my personality of being an introvert and become an extrovert, which I failed miserably.

I am an introvert. This was something which I myself failed to accept for a long period of time. When I asked my couple of my friends, I got responses like, “You are so talkative” or “I remember you as so outgoing” “You are not an introvert.”


All of them probably based their idea of who I am on what they see on the outside, They see me as talkative person because they have'nt seen inner self of mine. They haven't seen what I do in my private space. I try to go out into social situations only when I have built up enough social energy to carry on a conversation.

There are times when I spent sitting alone, thinking a lot. Sometimes walking here and there for no reason. I pressurised myself so much that for being extrovert. It pushed me into depression more.

I can talk at length, and even in front of a large number of crowd in an auditorium, about any topic. But it's impossible for me to speak always. The public speaking certification course helped a bit.

Let's face it. we admire the outgoing, bold & confident risk takers. We look down upon the silent, soft spoken and not so sociable person as shy and lacks confident. This is the problem of living in an extrovert world as an Introvert.

I really wanted to connect with people. I wanted them to like me, and I wanted to have deep meaningful relationships all around. I wanted to be the popular guy among the group. I tried being all that, but I failed miserably every time. I again felt depressed, blaming myself a lot.

This was the driving force of my transformation, and without that I wouldn't have been so far. 5 years , it took 5 fucking years to find a happy balance between the two personality types and become able to communicate with the rest of the world. I feel so better confident now. I feel so much better now. I am ready to accept that I am introvert. I like being alone most of the time.

And Trust me friends, There is nothing wrong in being an Introvert. You are unique. You don't have to an Extrovert survive in this world.

Saturday, 4 October 2014

How a bad decision affected my life? How did I over come it?

Six months ago, I left a job at a small company. My boss, the head of the company, agreed to call the break-up mutual, but I was leaving the organization without any prospects for a new job. I know its the most stupid decision to take but I didn`t give a second thought. I spent the next few months looking for a Journalism job in a top media publishing house that matched my interests and my degree, but that was too late and the positions were not forthcoming.
After difficulty in finding a new job in Bangalore not anywhere else ( I was stubborn) I managed to coming up with a solution to manage rent and after some kind of understanding with my friends, I found myself surrounded people my roomie & some friends to rely on and an increasing mountain of debt.
Later after sometime my father stepped in and allowed me to help me financially & take my own to look for the job I wanted. I was motivated to change this situation, as I had no desire to be jobless & dependent on parents for a long time. He was gracious and I was thankful to him but we both understood that the more temporary this situation would be, the better it would be for everyone. I
After sometime I found a job with a media outsourcing agency which kind of matched my interested and I decided to stay with the same company couple of months atleast until I quit this job.
It would have been risky for me to assume that someone would take care of me, But this is a fairly common attitude. Faith in yourself should come before faith in others if you decide to just sit around and wait for the world to provide you with what you need thinking that someone else will have your back, you give up your ability to grow.
In reality, we alone have responsibility for our financial & life decisions. A person who takes the approach that someone else will take care of him and the consequences of decisions don’t matter is eventually going to find himself in a needy position, and most likely unable to fulfill those needs through the kindness of others.
I remember getting so tired of being upset all the time. Finally, I decided I was going to learn to walk in peace if it was the last thing I ever did. Sometimes you need to learn what the root of your problem is before you can make any real progress.
It would have been that I didn't spend any time before I decided to take a few extra minutes to get organized and If I would have realized my problems than blaming people around for problem it would have been easy fix. But I realized there was a deeper problem underneath.
I was surrounded by the wrong kind of people which stopped myself understand the actual problem. It took a while when I realized what God want me to see how the devil stole my peace. 
Then I started paying attention to how I responded to people and situations around me and made a real effort to change things in life which made a huge difference.And when you've come to a new level of maturity, that's something the devil cannot take away from you. 
While you're praying and waiting for your attitudes to change, and for your circumstances to improve, stand firm in your faith. No matter how you feel, continue to say,When something or someone pushes your buttons today, let God have His way and say, "I refuse to live without peace."