Throw me to the WOLVES, and I'll return leading the Pack

I saw this quote posted on Facebook and thought its perfect to begin this post with. Why? Because it sums up how I changed during the past several months. It’s wasn`t easy for someone like me to be shoved into turbulent waters just for making a wrong decision It’s even harder to keep your head above water while trying to find a way out.

At other times, I just roll over and go and hide, nursing my wounds. I guess what motivates me to take a non-combatant attitude during these hard times is the need to be true to my upbringing.

Nothing is gained by not fighting back, of course. I think of the person who said, "You'll never amount to anything.You will never become successful. You are a disgrace to journalism." I think of that person who smiles at me and yet disgraced in front of others to show oneself in superior position...the person who wanted to throw me out to the wolves. I have been discouraged a lot saying how loser I am, I have been let down by people who mattered during bad times.

Today Am I going to slink away and hide nursing my wounds, worried about the trail of blood I left behind for predators to follow? No, I wont but instead I am gonna say, "I am here, Come & get me." 

 I had a conversation with a dear friend on this, I asked “Now I can confidently say that things are not the same anymore.I am not afraid of anyone. I will face it without any If someone throw me out to the wolves.She said “That’s because you are already a wolf the power you have is intense, it can control any wolf even me.”

Time to Unload Emotional Baggage From Past

We can all take comfort knowing that every one of us faces challenges at some point. No one is perfect. Everyone deals with emotional baggages. No one is perfect. Each person's baggage is different. If you have cheated or been cheated on.

When the nights are long and you can't sleep for all the sadness of a past left unresolved, when you cannot move on,you find it difficult to. When the past mistakes haunts you and becomes a nightmare for you.

Without realizing it, I carried this baggage from the past, thinking about what went wrong and where. Until a friend finally called me on and gave self-recognition to find out what I was doing. The problem wasn’t that I had baggage, everyone carries their own baggage but sometimes you have to leave behind some baggages from the past to move on in life.

Each of us have experienced positive and negative relationships regardless of how brief or long those relationship have been. We learn to take risks in secure and healthy relationships. But its time for me to learn from the past and to let go of toxic relationships which kept me broken.

I have realized that I don’t deserve to feel awful any more and that the days of feeling sorry for past mistake and broken relationships are over! Now I realized that I am the priority, I should be opne to accept the love deserve in life. 

What happened? Of Course, there is nothing that I can do to change that. However, What I can do is to learn from that experience. As someone said What happens, happens for a reason, happens for something good.

Am I Depressed or Just Surrounded by Wrong People?

When you are diagnosed with depression or low-self esteem, Just make sure you are not surrounded by ass holes. When I saw this quote on a friend’s Facebook wall I laughed out loud with delight and recognition. It hit me on a subconscious level. Why did I like it so much? It was the kind of reason behind many past problems. But I did like it! A lot! It was strong enough to write a blog about it which some others will also like it And I started asking myself, what happened actually?

I started thinking of my own life experience. It’s better to be alone, than to have a bad companion. Surround yourself with great people and you will never be lonely. How many times did the behavior of others effect how I felt about myself? How many times did I have to leave relationships because of the damage they were doing to my self-esteem?

I was exposed repeatedly to wrong, which caused a wear on my self-esteem. I am a person who is reared to be nice. People thinks that all friends are friends. But, in fact those friends surround you now is just your temporary friend especially they get something from you. But you can really know who your real friends in time of troubles and sorrows. You can even count in your right hand fingers only.

For me realization came when I got a job that forced me to stay away from these people. Some incidences also proved that they ditched me because they can’t gain control over me any more & I shouldn't let me come back again.The best cures in life are to either surround yourself with people that bring you up, or to lose all the people that bring you down. Gain the good, lose the bad, and what not.

Little by little I realized I was actually happy, despite the low-pay job. Then I just stopped even trying to deal with them and contact them at all. They weren't too attentive anyway, so my guess is they probably stopped. I got a call once and then I haven't made contact again since till date, it been ages now.

Being an Introvert in an Extrovert World

It's easy for anyone to say that, “Why did it take you so long to realize you are an Introvert?” It’s not that simple. The problem is that labelling someone as an Introvert is a very shallow assessment, full of common misconceptions. It’s more complex than that.

During Degree college days, I struggled with the fact that I had no social life; noone to go out or party. I always thought that there is something wrong with me. I always enjoyed stayed at home watching movie in my lappie till late night, while my friends were out partying. Those were days I hated those introverted character traits. I was not willing to accept myself, I wanted to ignore my personality of being an introvert and become an extrovert, which I failed miserably.

I am an introvert. This was something which I myself failed to accept for a long period of time. When I asked my couple of my friends, I got responses like, “You are so talkative” or “I remember you as so outgoing” “You are not an introvert.”

Really?

All of them probably based their idea of who I am on what they see on the outside, They see me as talkative person because they have'nt seen inner self of mine. They haven't seen what I do in my private space. I try to go out into social situations only when I have built up enough social energy to carry on a conversation.

There are times when I spent sitting alone, thinking a lot. Sometimes walking here and there for no reason. I pressurised myself so much that for being extrovert. It pushed me into depression more.

I can talk at length, and even in front of a large number of crowd in an auditorium, about any topic. But it's impossible for me to speak always. The public speaking certification course helped a bit.

Let's face it. we admire the outgoing, bold & confident risk takers. We look down upon the silent, soft spoken and not so sociable person as shy and lacks confident. This is the problem of living in an extrovert world as an Introvert.

I really wanted to connect with people. I wanted them to like me, and I wanted to have deep meaningful relationships all around. I wanted to be the popular guy among the group. I tried being all that, but I failed miserably every time. I again felt depressed, blaming myself a lot.

This was the driving force of my transformation, and without that I wouldn't have been so far. 5 years , it took 5 fucking years to find a happy balance between the two personality types and become able to communicate with the rest of the world. I feel so better confident now. I feel so much better now. I am ready to accept that I am introvert. I like being alone most of the time.

And Trust me friends, There is nothing wrong in being an Introvert. You are unique. You don't have to an Extrovert survive in this world.

How a bad decision affected my life? How did I over come it?

Six months ago, I left a job at a small company. My boss, the head of the company, agreed to call the break-up mutual, but I was leaving the organization without any prospects for a new job. I know its the most stupid decision to take but I didn`t give a second thought. I spent the next few months looking for a Journalism job in a top media publishing house that matched my interests and my degree, but that was too late and the positions were not forthcoming.

After difficulty in finding a new job in Bangalore not anywhere else ( I was stubborn) I managed to coming up with a solution to manage rent and after some kind of understanding with my friends, I found myself surrounded people my roomie & some friends to rely on and an increasing mountain of debt.

Later after sometime my father stepped in and allowed me to help me financially & take my own to look for the job I wanted. I was motivated to change this situation, as I had no desire to be jobless & dependent on parents for a long time. He was gracious and I was thankful to him but we both understood that the more temporary this situation would be, the better it would be for everyone. I

After sometime I found a job with a media outsourcing agency which kind of matched my interested and I decided to stay with the same company couple of months atleast until I quit this job.

It would have been risky for me to assume that someone would take care of me, But this is a fairly common attitude. Faith in yourself should come before faith in others if you decide to just sit around and wait for the world to provide you with what you need thinking that someone else will have your back, you give up your ability to grow.

In reality, we alone have responsibility for our financial & life decisions. A person who takes the approach that someone else will take care of him and the consequences of decisions don’t matter is eventually going to find himself in a needy position, and most likely unable to fulfill those needs through the kindness of others.

I remember getting so tired of being upset all the time. Finally, I decided I was going to learn to walk in peace if it was the last thing I ever did. Sometimes you need to learn what the root of your problem is before you can make any real progress.

It would have been that I didn't spend any time before I decided to take a few extra minutes to get organized and If I would have realized my problems than blaming people around for problem it would have been easy fix. But I realized there was a deeper problem underneath.

I was surrounded by the wrong kind of people which stopped myself understand the actual problem. It took a while when I realized what God want me to see how the devil stole my peace. 

Then I started paying attention to how I responded to people and situations around me and made a real effort to change things in life which made a huge difference.And when you've come to a new level of maturity, that's something the devil cannot take away from you. 

While you're praying and waiting for your attitudes to change, and for your circumstances to improve, stand firm in your faith. No matter how you feel, continue to say,When something or someone pushes your buttons today, let God have His way and say, "I refuse to live without peace."