What's Up With My Love Life?!

The current state of my love life can be described in two words hot and mess. I constantly find myself getting involved with or attached to emotionally unavailable girls. There were girls around and in my life, but with none of them had things really worked out. Whenever I reach home after going out with a girl, 'What the fuck!?’ Dating was just so stressful because it wasn’t happening, I mean, your job should be stressful, not dating.

Many times I wish and wish for the right person to come into life. I don’t seem to understand why it’s not working out with others. The challenge is, when something better does come along, to not run away. After years of disappointment, heart break and unhappy endings, it can be very easy to close down on real love. No matter what, don’t’ let that happen.

Nobody likes being blown off. Over the course of going out with girls, I have been broken up with and rejected before I could figure If something will happen or not. I am not here to talk about those ego blows we take when we stick our necks out to meet someone new.

I’m talking about the unexpected hits we take when meeting a woman, things are progressing and, suddenly, without warning, when she decides to blow off, of course, blown off by someone after a few dates by not returning calls or texts, Yeah I know there are ways to manage these situations, but often end up being confused wondering, Wasn’t it going well? What the hell happened?

Breaking up with someone after only a few dates is like firing someone you haven’t hired yet. It’s awkward, it feels almost unnecessary at times sounds weird too. if you’re single. Sometimes it only takes a few dates to realize she’s not right for you.

This heinous act of cowardice is basically what happens when you don't hear from the person you have been dating. I always just referred to it as the disappearing act. Actually, it occurred to me that it had happened to me in the not too distant past, and it had left me confused & wondering.

I already had many discussions with one of my friend about this issue which happens most of the time with me, and I always come back to a conclusion: when she decides to blow off, Don't ever contact her unless she does. I know its not easy at times, Silence is the easy way out, but it may come back to haunt later.

Picking myself up and starting all over again

Did I metaphorically pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again? I have done it many times. When I lost job and got things very messed up in life. I got really wound up in a full body cast manner as some people let down & betrayed me, I had to learn how to walk all over again. It was a painful process and took what seemed like an eternity for me to start all over again. But I was so focused on chasing the idea of perfect life, I didn't learn how to read the signs. How to find out the ones who want me,who really care about me and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave.

Starting all over again meant it's me, It's just me on my own, picking up the pieces and starting over again, freeing myself from all miseries up for something better in the future. Maybe all that happened was meant for something good and its good to keep moving on. Maybe, after all those miseries,fights,broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment its time to never gave up hope. When I lost my job recently, I had to do it again—I had to repeat the entire process.

I often speak of former lives: careers won and lost; futures not quite lived up to with expectations blah blah. Life before all the emotional and psychological pains blended with the emotional ones. I had to start all over again several times; trying to rebuild confidence and courage, Just not to give up in life. Life taught me to be independent and resilient. Sometimes you need those inherent power within you, when you tend to find yourself flat on your back, staring up at the sky or the ceiling.

Well, if you have tripped and fallen, you probably already have some bruises, so you don’t need to beat yourself up about it. The thing is that sometimes you fall due to circumstances beyond your control. It’s not your fault. I always kept on blaming myself for all the past mistakes, I did. Things happen, and it can be easier to use your emotional remote control to replay things over and over again than to get up, and manually hit pause, or better yet, erase.

And, sometimes when you fall, you might need a hand for getting up off the ground. If some one reaches out to help, you get back on your feet, consider their offer. Don’t hurt that person, It’s not weakness, but giving up is or losing control: it’s the recognition that there will be times when picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and starting all over again can only be done by accepting help from another person who really care about you, not the one pretend to play martyrdom.

Let Them Walk Away and Peace Out!!

Someone told me that how we will become like the people we hang out with. It’s true. In five years, you’ll become a conglomerate of the people you spend the most time with. In fact, if I wanted to know who you were going to be five years from now, I’d not ask what you do but want to spend a little time with the folks you spend time with. That alone would tell me who you were going to become.

Sadly, some people are so entrenched in seeing the negative side of things that they leave zero room for positive things to grow. People like this inhabit our families, work environments and social circles. It can be emotionally draining just being around them. Ignore these people and move on in life.

Seriously, Enough is enough! Letting go of negative people doesn’t mean I hate them, or that I wish them harm; it just means I care about my own well-being because every time I subtract negativity from my life room is open for more positive ones. Some people love to stir up controversy and drama for no apparent reason. Its better to stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create my own.

Literally put them all on a map and ask ourselves whether we want to become like these people or not. If we don’t, I strongly believe that, its time we take decision to consider letting some relationships go. It's scandalous, I know. But I recommend it all the time. Trust me, It helps you a lot.

We should be doing what we like doing and stand what we want to inviting others to join us. And if they won’t come, we grieve. But its time to move on all the same. Some relationships simply aren’t good, its better to let them go. This simple paradigm shift helped me a great deal.

If someone doesn’t want to be in my life why on earth would I still want them.  Because people emotionally blackmail reminding of those good times and conveniently forgetting the bad. Why is that? I miss all the good things, of course I do – I know when they made me feel good and gave me what I needed emotionally and physically. However, I also cant forget to keep in mind all the times they made me feel less than loved and inadequate at times.

For example, They completely do anything to help rather having drinks and telling we are with you always. What about using me to show off to their loser friends? What about portraying myself what I need to be done. Anger, resentment and anxiety will only hurt, so why go there? They’re NOT worth it!! One of the hardest things in the world to do is to watch someone walk away. It’s not only an emotional blow, it’s a blow to the ego.  No one wants to be rejected.  Whatever the reason for the split it was for the best. It really always is. I always say this “everything happens for the right reason and you are always where you need to be when you need to be there.”

Time to Just let them walk away, I am sure will be really be glad as I always did.